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Saturday 23rd October

It was by pure luck, and probably a little help from the fabulous (and in no way promiscuous) Jade, that my email address somehow made its way onto the Theme Park Society’s mailing list. The mere mention of an affordable jaunt to Alton Towers (plus fun-packed coach trip old-skool style) was enough to make me laugh in the face of my student loan and pack myself off for the day. Admittedly, it wasn’t easy crawling out of bed for 5am, but my over-riding determination to finally lose my Alton Towers virginity and experience the best rides in Britain won over, and thank Jesus. Or rather, thank Jonathan!

Now - I’m not one to shy away from pulse-racing, adrenaline-pumping rides that leave you with a satisfying post-climactic rush of euphoria (such a shame that Jade missed out), but even I was surprised by the sheer breath-taking force of Oblivion. Not to mention the homoerotic undertones of the Toyland Tours ride – for which severe psychological damage may be caused from over-exposure to giant pink transvestite hippos in sparkly bras. Beware!
Despite the uninterrupted mid-afternoon downpour (‘why won’t it stop!’) and inevitably over-priced, artery-clogging cuisine; Alton Towers 2004 was a huge success. I not only left with new friends and ‘special’ memories, but also a unique porcelain mug with my ugly face plastered on it. Throw in an overweight yet predictably cheery coach driver named Abe, and an exceedingly well-dressed and theme park obsessed Society President / tour-guide (we love you Jc!), and you have yourself a hell of a trip.
Euro-Disney in February? Bring it on!